make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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