I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
