had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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