i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
