I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
