Say something about gay babies.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Four minutes until I can fart!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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