Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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