okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
