did you get engaged???
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
