never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
