Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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