It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
