Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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