Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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