To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
