Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
