Cold hands, warm shart.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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