Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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