Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
