I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
