Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just threw up on my dentist
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Did you just see the Batmobile???
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
