i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
