i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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