I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
