how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
