Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
