The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
