How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
