i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
