How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
