Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
