Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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