Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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