You're so nebulous sometimes
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
