absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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