it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
