i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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