just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
