I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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