He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
