I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
