Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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