at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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