I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
