i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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