Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize