i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
