There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
