I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
