he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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