tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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