i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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