my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
