I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize