I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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