is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
