I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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