I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
