I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
