Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
