Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize