its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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