"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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