I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
