benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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