I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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