she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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