But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm really busy with my period
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