that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
