Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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