i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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