I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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